A few months ago, I was attending a business event when someone turned to me and said, “Wow, you have so many women in your company!” At first, I laughed it off, thinking it was just an observation. But later, I reflected on it more deeply. Why had I never noticed?
It struck me that this wasn’t because we had been obsessively tracking quotas or making a conscious effort to “tick the diversity box.” Instead, it was a natural byproduct of the culture we had built. A culture where hiring and leadership opportunities were based on ability, not outdated gender expectations.

And that’s exactly how it should be.

While mandates have resulted in many companies focusing on representation as a business goal, the real transformation happens when diversity becomes so deeply embedded that it’s simply the way things are. Real change is about creating environments where women can lead, make decisions, and thrive without needing to justify their presence. This is when it becomes sustainable, and truly impactful.

This experience made me realise how important it is to move past traditional gender expectations – both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity – and build workplaces where leadership is defined by action, strategy, and vision, rather than outdated notions of how women “should” behave.

But for that to happen, we need to confront an uncomfortable truth: Women, especially in leadership, still face limiting expectations that shape how they lead. Whether it’s the pressure to be “likable,” the expectation to carry the emotional weight of the workplace, or the subtle competition among women in leadership, these challenges don’t just hold individuals back; they slow down the entire movement toward more inclusive and effective leadership.

So, how do we break the cycle? How can women in leadership move beyond these outdated expectations and drive meaningful transformation in the workplace?

Challenge the “Niceness Trap” and Embrace Direct Communication

One of the most common manifestations of toxic femininity is the pressure to always be likable. Women leaders are often expected to soften their words, frame their decisions as suggestions rather than directives, and prioritize maintaining harmony over addressing tough issues.

However, real leadership requires clear, decisive communication. The most effective leaders – regardless of gender – are those who can give direct feedback, set boundaries, and make difficult decisions without fearing backlash for not being “nice enough.”

To drive meaningful change, we must normalize direct, constructive communication without the need for excessive softening or sugarcoating. Women in leadership should be encouraged to own their authority confidently, without feeling the need to apologize for being assertive.

Redefine Leadership Beyond Caretaking and Emotional Labour

In many organisations, women – especially those in HR or management – are subtly expected to be the “emotional caregivers” of the workplace. We are the ones smoothing over conflicts, called in to resolve workplace tension, ensure people feel heard, and carry the weight of emotional well-being initiatives.

While empathy and emotional intelligence are valuable leadership traits, they should not be a gendered expectation or an unpaid burden. True leadership is about setting strategic direction and making decisions that benefit the organisation as a whole, and not just playing the role of workplace mediator.

To foster a more equitable workplace, emotional labour must be a shared responsibility, ensuring that all leaders, regardless of gender, actively contribute to workplace well-being. It is also essential to encourage men to take on mentorship, DEI efforts, and people development roles, rather than allowing these responsibilities to default to women.

Furthermore, organisations should recognise and reward emotional intelligence as a valued leadership skill, rather than treating it as an unspoken obligation or an expectation placed disproportionately on women.

Dismantle the “Queen Bee Syndrome” and Build Real Sponsorship

The responsibility lies not only with men stepping up, but women ourselves too. Unfortunately, one of the byproducts of gender imbalance in leadership is the “Queen Bee Syndrome”. This is where some women in power distance themselves from other women to maintain their status.

A close friend of mine, who had recently been promoted to a senior leadership role, shared a frustrating experience that highlighted this issue. She was excited to work alongside a woman she had long admired – someone she saw as a role model. But instead of receiving mentorship or support, she found herself being kept at arm’s length. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated story, many women face the same struggle.

This mindset is a direct result of scarcity thinking. When women are treated as exceptions in leadership roles, they may feel pressure to compete with other women rather than uplift them.

The solution? Move beyond mentorship and into sponsorship. While mentorship offers guidance, sponsorship is about actively advocating for other women, opening doors, and creating pathways for leadership.

To break the cycle of competition and create a more supportive environment, organisations should consider building structured sponsorship programmes where senior women actively advocate for and elevate junior women, rather than simply offering mentorship.

It is equally important to foster peer collaboration over competition by celebrating collective achievements rather than individual successes. By promoting a culture of shared success, we can ensure that women are recognised as integral to leadership, not as token figures, but as key decision-makers who contribute meaningfully to the organisation’s growth and success.

Move Beyond DEI Metrics and Measure Real, Tangible Change

DEI is not a KPI. Repeat after me. DEI is not a KPI.

The conversation around gender equality in leadership cannot stop at hiring quotas or representation statistics.

Real progress happens when we see more women in decision-making roles, not just advisory positions. Pay transparency and elimination of gender wage gaps. Leadership pathways that don’t force women to conform to outdated expectations – and more.

At TOP International, we focus on real impact over optics. Through structured leadership development, inclusive hiring, and a commitment to mentorship and sponsorship, we ensure that diversity is not just a talking point, it’s a business strategy.

Thus, diversity programmes must go beyond numerical targets and focus on actual workplace experiences and retention. It is equally important to integrate accountability metrics into leadership performance evaluations, ensuring that diversity and inclusion are not just corporate initiatives but key performance indicators for leadership success. Additionally, organisations should regularly review promotion, pay, and leadership data to identify and address any disparities, ensuring that equity is embedded at every level of the organisation.

The Future of Women’s Leadership

As women in leadership, we have the power to redefine what effective leadership looks like. Too often, discussions about women’s leadership focus on how well women adapt to male-dominated models, rather than rethinking leadership itself. True leadership should not be measured by how well women conform, but by how we champion collaboration, resilience, and adaptability – qualities that strengthen all leaders, regardless of gender.

At TOP International, we believe in building workplaces where leadership is defined by ability, vision, and action. Not by outdated gender expectations.

The future of leadership is not about being “nice” or “soft.” It’s about being resilient, strategic, and impactful. And that is a future worth championing.

Contributed by Lydea Tan, HR Director, TOP International Holding

Images: Envato