Setting Boundaries In The Workplace

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What are boundaries and why are they important?

Each of us can benefit from forming and maintaining boundaries in our lives. While many people may have heard of this term, probably less people use them. People who have grown up in collectivistic, enmeshed, or authoritarian environments where the needs of the individual are less appreciated, may feel uncomfortable with boundary-setting, perhaps because boundaries carry the connotation of keeping things out or away.

In such environments, we pick up the messaging that we should put aside our needs to cater to others. This can lead to symptoms such as resentment, outbursts, chronic malaise, mental fatigue, and emotional numbness. In contrast, setting appropriate boundaries helps provide a healthy demarcation between an individual’s needs versus the needs of others. Boundaries act as guidelines as to how we would like to be treated by the people around us so that we can maintain these connections. By forming boundaries, we are telling ourselves that we matter.

Think about these questions:

  • Do I come away from situations feeling exhausted/overwhelmed which would typically not make me feel this way?
  • Do I feel an increasing/persistent resentment towards this person/situation?
  • Do I walk away from this encounter feeling guilty or ashamed?
  • Do I neglect my personal needs as a consequence of this situation?
  • Do I feel like avoiding confrontation and am willing to do almost anything just for that?
  • Do I have difficulty saying no without over-explaining?

If any of these questions were answered “yes”, there may be a need to reinforce your boundaries.

Types of boundaries

There are seven main categories of boundaries: physical; mental/emotional; spiritual/religious; sexual; financial/material; time; and non-negotiables.

  • Physical
    Physical boundaries involve the protection of your body, your physical space, and the level of privacy you require. An example of this is expressing to coworkers that you are uncomfortable with shaking hands and would prefer to greet with a wave.
  • Mental / Emotional
    Mental or emotional boundaries allow us to respect our thoughts and feelings without having them invalidated by others. Boundaries in this domain help to separate our own feelings from the feelings of others without taking them on as our own. An example of this is to voice a desire to share your own ideas in an open discussion when others have already had a chance.
  • Spiritual / Religious
    Spiritual or religious boundaries exist to protect one’s belief system and the practices within that system. An example of this is each partner of a couple going to separate places of worship in line with their individual faiths.
  • Sexual
    Sexual boundaries protect a person’s right to grant or deny consent. Boundaries within this domain extend to allowing or disallowing certain acts or stages of intimacy. An example of this is to refuse unprotected sex.
  • Financial / Material
    Financial and material boundaries involve setting safeguards around resources, how they are used, terms of exchange, as well as rightful renumeration. An example of this is requesting an identical fountain pen replacement from someone who borrowed yours and damaged its nib.
  • Time
    Boundaries around time protect one of the most precious commodities we have. An example of protecting your time is informing people that evenings are for family time and that work- related matters will be attended to during office hours.
  • Non-negotiables
    Non-negotiable boundaries are the boundaries an individual needs to have in place in order to feel safe enough for continued interaction. These boundaries typically involve any real or perceived danger to one’s well-being. An example of this is stating the need for an owner to confine their aggressive pet to a room whenever they invite you and your children to go over or your family will not be visiting.

How to form boundaries

When creating these boundaries, it is important to understand that while they need to be reasonable and still serve our needs, boundaries need not be brandished like harsh codes of conduct. Unhelpful boundaries are ones that are either porous or rigid, leading to an imbalanced dynamic. Healthy, helpful boundaries are ones that have some flexibility with a consequential action should that boundary be dismissed.

Consider a communicated boundary around time – in order to feel that their time is respected, one could comfortably allow for a lateness of fifteen minutes for appointments (whereas one hour would be grossly porous and one second would be needlessly rigid) with a consequence of immediate postponement should that boundary be breached.

Some tips to keep in mind when creating your boundaries are:

  1. Being clear and concise in what you need. Rehearsing either mentally or verbally can help in refining your message when communicated.
  2. Apologies are not necessary although explanations for the boundary can be polite especially in close relationships.
  3. Reactions to boundaries can be negative. Be understanding but firm and remember that the ones who care about you want you to feel safe.
  4. Maintaining boundaries takes practice so be gentle to yourself.
  5. Remind yourself of the follow-up action should your boundary not be respected.
  6. Boundaries can be reviewed and changed over time as needs change.
  7. Boundaries are not used for manipulating or punishing other people. Your boundaries do not supersede others and neither does theirs.

Boundaries within the work-life balance

Drawing a line between work and life has been difficult since the pandemic when people’s mental wellness was affected. Considering current hybrid or purely work-from-home arrangements, the need for boundaries has been more significant. Finding balance in these domains could involve:

  1. Digital Zoning – using different browsers or profiles can help to mentally shift between work mode and personal mode.
  2. Time Allotting – setting dedicated time blocks for each activity in a day without spillover. This would include communicating and sticking to working hours. Some people have included their contactable days and hours within their email signature.
  3. Rituals – if working from home, create rituals that emulate a regular workday. This may look like changing your computer wallpaper to a corporate background, visualizing punching in/out your timecard, or going for a short “commute” walk when ending your workday.
  4. Tuning In – taking some time throughout the day to tune into yourself. Even quick 5-minute breathing breaks remind us that we should, and deserve, to care for ourselves.
  5. Exploring Options – some companies have begun exploring options on how to better appreciate the work-life balance. Initiate open dialogues with coworkers to explore what changes the workplace could make.

Seeking professional guidance

As boundaries serve the person, the uniqueness of the individual and their context must be taken into consideration. Turning to a healthcare professional trained in boundary-setting can benefit in a couple of ways; one way being cultural attunement. Even as boundaries have gained traction for being a healthy component of one’s life, many within collectivistic cultures who decide to set boundaries are judged, criticised, even ostracised for doing so.

Working with a trained therapist can make for easier development of culturally appropriate boundaries while processing any feelings of guilt and shame that may appear. Similarly, situations where boundary-setting is not prevalent could indicate associative factors such as enmeshment or relational disrepair. Together with a trained professional, a person can work on overcoming intra/interpersonal roadblocks, leading to empowerment and positive action.

 

Contributed by: Varian Monteiro, Counselling Therapist, Promises Healthcare


Reference:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/06/5-tips-for-setting-boundaries-without-feeling-guilty#5-tips-to-help-you-set-healthy-boundaries

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/blog/how-to-set-culturally-attuned-boundaries-and-why-it-matters-in-therapy

Images: Envato

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