Here are 7 Dating Mistakes to Avoid and Win in the Dating Scene!
Contributed by Violet Lim, the Chief of Cupid and CEO of Lunch Actually.
2022 has been a year of dating discovery after a long period of lockdown. Singles are more eager than ever to find love, despite the fact that 52% of Singapore’s singles do not have the opportunity to go on dates throughout the year.
Singles are ready to mingle in 2023. Proven by the survey results by Lunch Actually, singles are more open to new dating experiences, including relocating themselves (61% of single men and 71% of single women) to another country to find love, dating someone from different race (73% of single men and 71% of single women) and more adaptive with their superficial criteria, as evidenced by the top three single men’s criteria: age (71%), body type (59%), and religion (36%), while single women place a higher value on education (56%), income (54%), and age (51%).
The emergence of dating apps and its technological innovation are significant in assisting singles in finding love and it has never been easier for singles to meet other singles. However, it also presents more challenges. Because of the abundance of matches, singles nowadays do not value dates anymore and do not feel a sense of urgency. They talk to multiple people at one time and arrange for dates with different people. It’s easy to lose interest and take the matches for granted. Dating apps give singles what we call ‘the paradox of choice’: when we have too many choices, we tend to have analysis paralysis and end up not making any choice! This leads to dating fatigue which singles are facing now.
To make sure singles are not trapped into another year of dating fatigue, here are 7 mistakes to avoid in 2023.
1. Being a pick me (girl or boy)
The pick me girl/boy is most commonly heard in 2022, where people attempt to distinguish themselves from other men/women by deliberately exhibiting behaviour that attempts to appease others whilst acting as if they’re completely unaware that this is what they’re doing…even though they definitely are. This approach is no longer working this year, as people are already tired of making more effort in searching. A straightforward method of finding or being found is more effective, and you need to be authentic and genuine.
2. Finding someone perfect on paper
A tall, handsome guy with light brown eyes who owns a private yacht is a common superficial criterion you can easily find in a Korean Drama. Can that handsome guy guarantee you a safe and healthy family in the next ten years? A hard-working guy with a good relationship with his family and friends is a more promising partner. Building your family with the right guy in real life is preferable than imagining the perfect life with the perfect person JUST on paper.
3. Not trying something different
Singles’ unfortunate experiences while trying to find love online might also trigger dating fatigue as there are many fake profiles, scammers and too much left-swiping. Try to meet people the old-fashioned way. Interact with single members of your place of worship. Get to know your neighbours and friends of your coworkers. Sign up for a gym membership, or join an organisation or volunteer group. This will create an influx of new people into your life, many of whom may be single or have single friends.
4. Be a widely-open box
Remember to keep your information private from your social media. When you grant someone access to your Facebook or Instagram profile, they gain access to every aspect of your life, including your likes and dislikes, upbringing, friends, family, good and bad days, and embarrassing photos. That’s a whole lot of information to unleash on someone so soon!
You should layer yourself like an onion when you’re just dating someone. Instead of showing your date everything in your box, you can show them a slice of your life at a time. You will be more attractive to your date this way. In addition, you also can avoid scams.
5. Not being present
You should keep your hands off the phone during a date. Refrain from using the inevitable lulls in conversation as an excuse to pull out your phone. Instead, find something else to talk about rather than letting the conversation die entirely. Or you can prepare some interesting and insightful questions that you can ask on your first date.
6. Leave your date hanging (Ghosting)
Singles have had enough of uncertainty. In 2022, more than half of singles (58%) on dating apps have been ghosted. Let’s stop ghosting each other and start being honest about our feelings. Keep the conversation interesting if you like him/her. Let them know your true feelings rather than making them doubt your intentions. It will give you both some slack to find someone new!
7. Not deleting your online dating profile once you’re in an exclusive relationship
If you’re exclusively dating someone, you should not be still maintaining your online dating profile (even if you’re not actively using it). You’re giving your partner a reason to feel insecure and jealous about their status with you. If you’re not comfortable deleting your dating profile, perhaps you’re not entirely comfortable being exclusive yet. And it is something you might need to reflect on.
Online dating may be convenient, but it can be frustrating because you never know whether the other person you’re talking to online is the person they claim to be. Also, dating apps can be very superficial, and compatibility is not prioritised. For example, you select a profile based on the first impression, which is the profile picture. When you already like what you see, sometimes we tend not to prioritise important aspects such as similar values and if the relationship would survive in the long run. Therefore, you may spend too much time talking to people only to find out that they are incompatible later.
Singles can use these tips to have a better dating experience in 2023. But if you want an easier and more effective kickstart to your dating journey, you can consider dating or matchmaking service. The matchmaker will hand-pick someone that suits you best, just like the clients who join Lunch Actually. “Singles come to us as they know that our dating consultants have met their matches in person, vetted their identity documentation and made necessary checks to ensure that our clients are not going to be catfished. It’s like you skipped the first step and jumped into the dating process,” Violet adds.
To find out more about Lunch Actually and their promotions, please visit www.lunchactually.com.