The CEO of the biggest lunch dating company, Lunch Actually, was surprised by the survey result stating that most singles in Singapore don’t let themselves have sexual intimacy with someone they barely know. Based on the Lunch Actually Annual Regional Singles Dating Survey in 2022, only 18% of singles are willing to have sexual intimacy within the first month or less, whereas 50% of singles prefer to have sexual intimacy when they’re officially in an exclusive relationship and even 32% won’t have one until they get married. The question follows: Do these numbers influence the increase in the number of Singles?
According to Violet Lim, sexual intimacy does not always mean engaging in sexual intercourse, but somehow people misunderstand. There are other forms of sexual intimacy than sex that can be just as significant and crucial in a relationship, which refers to any physical or emotional closeness connected to sexual attraction and desire. Flirting can also be counted as a good form of intimacy if we use it correctly. Indeed, some “Players” court with the intention of getting into your pants. Thus, Violet reveals how to learn the difference between both!
- Harmless flirting
A playful teasing or non-invasive touch is considered harmless flirting, such as playfully tugging your arm or tapping your shoulders. You should flirt back if you’re interested!
- Very touchy-feely
Feel free to distance yourself and your date if he is touchy-feely. For example, if you find while walking, he has his hand placed on your lower back for an uncomfortable period, step away from him so that you’re not walking too close.Similarly, for men, if a woman leans too close and you’re not comfortable, you don’t want to upset her by telling her to move back. Instead, you can move your seat slightly backward so that there’s distance between the both of you. Letting someone know that they’ve overstepped their boundaries is very powerful!
Due to a fast-paced lifestyle, there needs to be more access to social circles, contributing to the rise of singles in Singapore. They also have less opportunity to meet possible partners; when they do, they are still determining what to do. They must learn to attract potential singles so they won’t waste time trapped in a friend zone.
Violet shares advice on how to flirt and attract someone without making them feel annoyed with your flirting moves:
- Using body language – Use a more subdued approach to flirting by giving your partner your full attention while they’re talking, smiling and nodding to show that you’re interested in what they’re saying, and responding appropriately so that you don’t come off as overbearing but still a respectful partner.
- Using Humour – It is proven that when you make someone laugh, they enjoy your company more! So some people would use humor when flirting, such as playful teasing or creating an inside joke between the both of you. This flirting is also very friendly and especially useful for testing waters, to see the other person’s reaction and receptiveness towards you. Testing waters means you must find out if someone likes you and try to find out!That’s also why pickup lines have been around for so long! Even though some of them are cringe, it actually makes people laugh!
An example of using humor when flirting is, let’s say you’re out with a group of friends for a meal, and there’s an empty seat beside the person you like. You go next to them and ask, “Did you leave this seat for me so that you can sit beside me during dinner?”
- Physical touch – Gentle physical touches can show that you’re interested and subtly flirting with someone! A common technique is gently touching a person’s hand or knee or tapping their arm playfully when speaking or saying something funny! That’s why you tend to see women playfully hitting a guy’s arm when he’s said something cheeky or when a man is leading a woman and places his palm on her back to guide her. The idea is to do it only briefly, so leave your touch there shortly, or it will become unpleasant for the person receiving it!
- Through words – For some people, especially introverts, they are very comfortable with texting. It gives you time to craft what you want to say and express yourself, so some people flirt using words! This can be in the form of a love letter, card, or even a sweet text!
- The Peak-End Rule – Imagine watching a movie; there are moments when it’s boring and filled with things you don’t care about. But if the movie ends with a bang or has an emotional ending, that tends to be part of the most remembered ones. Introverts tend to talk less than 90% in social gatherings. We observe & listen, but that doesn’t mean we have to be the least memorable. Using this Peak-End rule, you can insert yourself in just the right moment and say the right thing, giving you a better impact.
- Giving genuine compliments – When you compliment someone genuinely, you can make someone’s day and smile.
For women to say to a man:
- I always feel safe when I’m around you 🙂
- You make me feel beautiful (or appreciated, respected, etc).
- Your voice is so deep and comforting.
For men to say to a woman:
- There’s something about your smile that gets me every time!
- I like it when you wear your hair this way! Bring out your beautiful eyes!
- Wow! You’re so creative! (Smart, humorous, or something less to do with looks because women get compliments on their faces all the time)
- Sending memes/screenshots – If you see something funny that makes you think of that person, take a screenshot and send it to them! Or are you browsing Instagram or Facebook to see content they might enjoy? Please share the link with them! Also, keep the link or picture private and not say anything – Try to add a description or even use it to tell them you’re thinking of them! E.g., I Saw this pair of shoes at a discount today and remembered you like this brand! You’re welcome 😛
- Use more emojis! – Most singles will know this by now. Without any tone, text can look dull and flat online. That’s why adding emojis can help! You don’t have to spam emojis in every sentence, which will make the message look cluttered. What you can do instead is to add one or two emojis at the end of the sentence you want to emphasize. For example, if it’s a joke, add a few funny faces to emphasise that what you’re saying is meant to be funny! Use more of these two emojis ” ” ” “.
- Sending gifts – Preparing a thoughtful little gift or surprise can impress your date. For example, prepare a small cake if the date happens to be near his/her birthday.
- Respect boundaries and signals – Respond to the other person’s verbal and body language cues. Respect their boundaries and move back if they look uninterested, uneasy, or urge you to stop.
Remember, flirting and attraction should be mutual and consensual. It’s essential to be respectful, genuine, and aware of the other person’s comfort level throughout the process. Building a connection takes time, so be patient and enjoy the journey.
Prepare to release your charm and set out on an exciting adventure as Violet reveals the tricks and provides professional flirting advice that will amaze people completely with your alluring presence. Prepare to enchant people and forge friendships like never before! Singles only need to START and have the guts to try all the advice mentioned above!
Contributed by Violet Lim, CEO of Lunch Actually