The Key to Good Sex? Communication

The lack of communication is often the biggest obstacle to a healthy relationship and a fulfilling sex life. For the launch of the iconic couples vibrator Chorus, We-Vibe partnered with sexual therapists worldwide to highlight the importance of communication in a relationship.

For the study, We-Vibe offered coaching sessions with well-known therapists to 25 couples. To evaluate the outcome, each participant filled out a questionnaire before and after the experience. The results showed that the majority (85%) felt that the coaching had a positive effect on their relationship.

Why communication is key

A recent international study[1] conducted by We-Vibe has shown that only 45% of respondents felt comfortable communicating their sexual preferences to their partner. In Hong Kong, 33% of women feels comfortable to express their sexual preferences, while 29.9% of men felt the same way.

It appears that different couples bring in different issues to the therapy, in most cases it actually boils down to issues of communication. Vicious cycle of criticisms and defensiveness is often seen and used as a maladaptive way of expressing needs and feelings – it is where couple therapy can come in and provide necessary education and interventions for couples to learn to communicate and get along better, so they can express their genuine wishes more effectively.”

– Mr Ken Fung, Clinical Psychologist

As a result of the coaching, 75% of participants have explored new sexual practices. Participants were introduced to We-Vibe Chorus, the iconic couples vibrator that stimulates both partners at the same time. One half of the vibrator is inserted, creating vaginal stimulation, and the other half is secure, outside the body, providing clitoral stimulation. The product is so small that the vulva owners can wear it during penetrative sex with a partner, who also benefits from the vibrations.

How to improve one’s communication

Here are five useful tips from a sexologist that you can immediately put into action, even without a coach, to improve your communication with your partner.

1. Be aware of what your own personal triggers are or what topics / areas you know you would be particularly uncomfortable with. It is also helpful to have each partner list this out for each other. This helps you to be more aware of your reactions and projections when certain topics are covered – especially if it hits a personal trigger, we don’t want to be projecting our concerns and fears on our partner, thereby closing down instead of opening communications.

2. Set aside uninterrupted time and agree to take turns. It would be great if both partners can also communicate what you need from your partner when you are communicating your desires or needs with respect to a particular situation. For one partner, it might be have the other partner nod in response; for another partner, they would need their partner to hold their hand as they cover certain sensitive topics. This creates some psychological safety as you dwell deeper into communication overall.

3. Always add a section of time to communicate what you are grateful or appreciate or are happy about with respect to your relationship between each other. It allows the mood and focus to be around what you want to celebrate with each other, and let’s admit it, sometimes we really just forget to appreciate or thank our partner about seemingly little things because of how the day rushes by.

4. Set some ground rules around communication before getting into conversation time. One of them that I like is not to have whatever is communicated used against each other in a quarrel. We sometimes forget and say things off the cuff when emotions run high. Such a ground rule ensures that what is previous shared is safe to be shared, without being used as arguments later down the road.

5. As always, I like the element of play or flirting. Allow communication to also be light at various parts of the day. Flirting with your partner, teasing or just having private jokes between a couple allows for shared experience of lightheartedness. This goes a long way when you move into communicating about different views or tougher topics or just topics that feel more sensitive, like intimacy.

[1] The representative survey was conducted in July 2021 by We-Vibe, in cooperation with Appinio. 14,500 participants from 17 countries (Australia, Austria, Canada, Germany, France, Hongkong, Italy, Japan, Korea, New Zealand, Russia, Singapore, Spain, Switzerland, Taiwan, UK, USA) participated. Further results on request. 

Images: We-Vibe and Envato

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