The Lie We’ve All Been Sold About Body Confidence

We’ve been told for years that the ultimate goal is to “love your body”. Love every curve, every mark, every line. Love it loudly. Love it publicly. Love it unconditionally. And if you don’t? Well, apparently you’re doing confidence wrong. The truth is, most of us are barely figuring out breakfast, let alone mustering deep, unwavering affection for our cellulite. Some days I’m too tired to love anything. So instead of pretending, I started asking a different question: What if confidence isn’t built on love at all?

How I Went From Forcing Love to Finding Peace

There were periods in my life when my body felt like a project. Endometriosis made my weight fluctuate unpredictably. Pregnancy and postpartum changed things in ways no “bounce back” article prepares you for. Stress, burnout, sleep deprivation — they all left their marks. I’d tell myself the usual affirmations: “Love your body.” “Celebrate your flaws.” “Embrace your shape.” But honestly? Some days those words felt more like demands than encouragement.

The turning point came on an ordinary day. I was trying on clothes that used to fit comfortably, and not a single thing sat right. Instead of spiralling, something surprising happened: I just…didn’t fight myself. I didn’t bully my reflection. I didn’t force love. I simply acknowledged, “This is my body today.” Neutral. Not negative. Not hyper-positive. Just… neutral. And for the first time in a long time, I felt relief. Love felt out of reach. Neutrality felt accessible. Some days, neutrality looked like pulling on my favourite oversized T-shirt and calling it good enough.

What Body Neutrality Actually Looks Like (And Why It Works)

Body neutrality isn’t about becoming apathetic. It’s about breaking up with the constant judgement. It’s about building a relationship with your body based on peace, not pressure.

Here are three reframes that made the biggest difference for me.

1. Appearance → Function

Instead of asking, “Do I look good in this?”, I ask “Can I live my life comfortably in this?” My arms may not be sculpted, but they carry my daughter. My stomach isn’t flat, but it fuels my day. My legs may not look like they belong on a fitness poster, but they get me everywhere I need to go.

2. Judgement → Curiosity

The inner critic is quick and loud. Neutrality softens it.

“My arms look big” becomes “My arms exist, and they helped me get through today.”

“My skin looks tired” becomes “I’ve been working hard — no wonder my skin is showing it.”

It’s not delusion. It’s perspective.

3. Punishment → Practicality

I stopped using exercise to guilt or punish myself — you know, the whole “if I do this workout, then I’m allowed that treat”. Now, I exercise simply because my body feels better when I do. I eat because I need energy. I dress in clothes that fit the body I have now, not the body I think I should be chasing.

Neutrality removes the emotional negotiations. It helps you show up, instead of shrink down. And ironically, it’s from this calm middle ground that genuine confidence finally starts to grow.

Ready to Feel Strong, Confident, and Like Yourself Again?

If reading this feels like a lightbulb moment — like neutrality is the relief you didn’t realise you were craving — you’re not alone. So many of us are exhausted from trying to love ourselves into confidence. It doesn’t have to be that hard.

While neutrality has helped me personally, I’ve seen just how much it matters for mothers navigating a body that no longer feels familiar.

I’m hosting a free live webinar called
“The Strong Mother Method: Rebuild Your Body, Confidence & Identity in 12 Weeks.”

This transformative session is designed exclusively for new professional mothers who:

feel disconnected from their post-partum body
struggle with confidence or identity after motherhood
want to feel strong again — physically and emotionally
are tired of comparing themselves to others
are ready for a guilt-free, shame-free, sustainable path forward

In this webinar, you’ll learn:

✨ The real reason your post-partum body feels “stuck”
✨ How to rebuild confidence without dieting, punishment, or shame
✨ The exact framework I use to help mothers reclaim strength in just 20–30 minutes a day
✨ Why identity loss happens after childbirth — and how to rebuild yourself
✨ How to break comparison cycles and feel free in your body again